


No Feelings

by Kalua



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Hugs & kisses, Love Confessions, M/M, Organization XIII (Kingdom Hearts), Spoilers - Kingdom Hearts Chain of Memories, Spoilers - Kingdom Hearts Dream Drop Distance, Spoilers - Kingdom Hearts II, Spoilers - Kingdom Hearts III, Spoilers - Kingdom Hearts Union Cross, Wedding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-09
Updated: 2019-03-10
Packaged: 2019-10-25 01:05:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,106
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17715125
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kalua/pseuds/Kalua
Summary: Nobodies are unable to feel. They can't love, or be hurt.At least, that's what they've always been told, but some things have started casting doubt in Lexaeus's mind...





	1. Attachment

“Xaldin.”

“What is it, Lexaeus?” They’d just passed each other in the hallway, and Xaldin wasn’t the only one who turned around; Lexaeus knew he had the—at least partially deserved—reputation of not being much of a talker. Consequently, the younger members in the Organization tended to stop and listen in whenever he opened his mouth.

But this wasn’t meant for anyone else’s ears, so Lexaeus just nodded towards Demyx, who’d stopped dead in his tracks. Xaldin’s eyes followed the motion. “I believe you still have someplace to be.”

“What, and miss out on what Mister Silent here is gonna say?” Demyx made some sweeping gesture towards Lexaeus. “I’m not even sure when I last heard him say anything! That’s, like, monumental!”

Xaldin kept his gaze locked onto Demyx. “If you have enough time to stay here and eavesdrop on senior member’s conversations, I suppose you should be given more work to fill out our day.”

That made him almost freeze mid-motion. “What?! No way! See you guys, I’m outta here!” And with that, he ran towards the grey area.

Once he was out of earshot, Xaldin turned back to Lexaeus. “I suppose you would prefer to talk somewhere more private?”

Lexaeus nodded, so the two headed for one of the empty conference rooms. He couldn’t remember how long it had been since they last talked. Neither of them was exactly chatty, but back when they had been guards in Radiant Garden, they had spent some time together every now and then. But that had mostly stopped after turning into Nobodies. Now, the only one Lexaeus could be said to talk with was Zexion.

Xaldin closed the door behind them and crossed his arms. Instead of speaking, he simply raised an eyebrow, waiting for the other man to speak.

“You work more closely with Vexen than I do. Is there anything in his research that might disprove Nobodies not having feelings?” The newer members shouldn’t hear about this unless they had proof, or it might cause chaos. Xemnas was their Superior, and openly doubting his words may lead to insecurity, especially in the lower ranks.

“Not that I know of.” Xaldin’s eyes had always been piercing, but right now, it seemed as if they were looking into Lexaeus’s very soul. “Why?”

“It’s the way some of the newer members behave. Luxord’s satisfaction when he wins at a card game, Demyx’s attachment to his sitar, and how often Marluxia and Larxene are around one another when not on a mission.”

“Hm.” For a moment, Xaldin was silent, thinking. “And why did you ask me, not Vexen himself?”

“You know that Vexen doesn’t like spending time with lower-ranking members.” Not long ago, Vexen had nearly yelled at Zexion for questioning him, although his number was barely lower than Vexen’s. Lexaeus could feel some of his muscles tense up at the thought of it; perhaps that was another piece of evidence that Nobodies might, in fact, have feelings.

Xaldin nodded. “I see where your doubts are coming from, but remember that all of this might just be caused by the memory of their human emotions.”

He had a point. Even the moments when Lexaeus felt—or thought he felt—protective about Zexion might just be what he had ingrained in himself back when they were Aeleus and Ienzo. But even so, it felt somewhat different from the first weeks as a Nobody. Back then, yes, he had just been doing what he had been used to. But now?

“But I will keep a closer eye on them. Make sure you don’t tell the other members, especially the new ones, or they might look for feelings where there are none.” When Lexaeus nodded, Xaldin left.

As a human, Lexaeus had been fond of Dilan, but only as a coworker. Or so he had thought, at least, but the small sting whenever Xaldin didn’t even seem to acknowledge him in the halls, or when he left the room without so much as a goodbye seemed to say differently. And that was the main reason for his suspicions, far more than the quirks and habits of their newer recruits.

 

Not that he’d have stood a chance as a human, either. Lexaeus suppressed a sigh as he went on his way back to his quarters, to finish a report.

Dilan had never told him what, exactly, had happened, but he’d never been shy with his opinion on love. One sentence in particular had stuck with Lexaeus: “If there was a way to rid myself of all emotions, I would use it without hesitation.” Being a Nobody must have come as a blessing for Xaldin, then.

And judging by his words, he truly hadn’t felt anything since then. What made Xaldin different from Lexaeus and the new recruits?

Lexaeus should focus on the report, but his thoughts kept drifting back to this question. Where was the difference? If it had just been the new members, it could be chalked up to some sort of mistake during their hearts’ removal, but that wouldn’t explain Lexaeus. What, then, did he have in common with the others?

Attachment, perhaps? Luxord refused to play with any deck of cards but his own. Demyx wouldn’t give the sitar to anyone else. Marluxia and Larxene were with each other. And Lexaeus’s was Xaldin.

Lexaeus put down his pen. He’d have to finish the report another day. If he was right, would Xaldin start feeling again if he developed an attachment to something or someone? On the other hand, how would one become attached to anything without feelings? It seemed like an impossible feat, casting doubt on his idea.

 

Day after day passed, filled with missions, training and reports. Everything was the same way it always was. Saïx relayed the Superior’s orders, deciding who would go on which mission, and with who, should a team be necessary. Demyx never stopped complaining about having to work. Luxord tried holding weekly poker tournaments. And Lexaeus and Xaldin were polite when they had to interact, but never actually talked. They spoke to each other, yes, but they didn’t talk.

 Until they were assigned a mission together. It was simple enough; gathering information in Twilight Town, making sure there weren’t too many Heartless at once. They would reform, of course, but that took some time, guaranteeing the world wouldn’t be overrun by them.

The report was finished even faster than the mission itself, and soon, Xaldin made to leave so he could hand it to Saïx.

“Wait.”

Xaldin’s hand had almost touched the door handle, but now he let it sink and turned back around, waiting for Lexaeus to keep talking.

He could have kept everything to himself. Maybe he should. But he didn’t want to, which had become an unfamiliar feeling. Nobodies didn’t normally _want_. All the more reason to follow his wishes. “Have you watched the new recruits?”

“I have. And it doesn’t seem like anything but old memories are at work with them, attachments from their previous life.” Xaldin mustered Lexaeus. “Is there a reason you’re talking about this again?”

“The new members aren’t the only ones who appear to have regained some feelings.” Xaldin raised his eyebrows. “I did, too.”

“And what kind of feelings would those be?” It wasn’t exactly doubt in Xaldin’s voice, but he didn’t sound like he believed Lexaeus, either.

“Feelings towards you.”

If the words had caught Xaldin off-guard, he didn’t show it. “You know that is impossible. Everyone believes that of all emotions, love is the one most closely linked to the heart; if we were able to feel any emotions at all, this would be the least likely.” His voice was cold. Not overly cruel, just the same neutral voice he always had these days. “But if you’re certain, you should probably tell Vexen. He would be very interested in this kind of things.”

And with that, he left. It was nothing else than Lexaeus had expected, anyway. Maybe what he thought were his feelings were only an illusion, maybe they were real, but it was obvious that Xaldin was as emotionless as on his first day as a Nobody.

 

Lexaeus wouldn’t tell Vexen, though, and he knew Xaldin wouldn’t do so, either. Maybe a small part of him hoped—if a Nobody could hope—that Xaldin would start feeling again as well. But he wasn’t counting on it. He’d done what he wanted to do, and that was good enough.

Nothing in Xaldin’s behavior changed, so Lexaeus returned to the way he’d acted since he had woken up as a Nobody. Missions, training, reports. Talking to others, but barely speaking with them. Just the way it had been, and the way it would stay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I... Don't even ship these two (the only real ship I got in KH is Marluxia/Larxene or Lauriam/Elrena), but I couldn't believe that there were NO ship fics with them. That had to be fixed so, here ya go. Idk, I think they're kinda cute together. And they have comparably few fics in general, they can use a few more.  
> Planned to have 3 chapters originally, it's at least going to get to 4. Let's see if it stays there or not.  
> I hope I managed to make some shipper happy :3


	2. Emotion

Xaldin sat at his desk, brooding over Lexaeus’s words. Nobodies didn’t feel true emotions. Maybe Lexaeus had mistaken memories of their companionship as guards for feelings, or perhaps he longed for a heart more than he had realized and was trying to emulate his time as a normal human. A sentiment Xaldin had never understood; if it weren’t for the limitations not having a Heart entailed, he would have been content to never regain his.

But as things stood, being without a Heart was rather impractical. So he helped the Organization’s goals when and however needed, but he wasn’t in any rush to reclaim what he lost.

Still, Xaldin couldn’t help but pay a bit more attention to his fellow members; maybe he would see the same things that had made Lexaeus believe in their emotions. His old comrade himself didn’t behave any different from before his confession, if one wanted to call it that. He’d said his part, and it was up to the other party to decide how to react to it. He’d always been this way, even as a human—unless children were involved, especially Ienzo. Back then, Lexaeus had been protective about nearly every child, but now, it seemed to be limited to Zexion, even though that boy could hardly be called a child anymore.

 

“Hey, is there something new about Lexaeus?” Demyx’s voice interrupted Xaldin’s train of thought. The younger Nobody had his head tilted to one side, and stood a little bit closer than most people would find comfortable. But then again, neither of them were people. “How long have you been looking at him now?”

“I was merely waiting for you to finally get ready.” Missions with Demyx were always a chore. The Superior must have had some reason to recruit him, but Xaldin hadn’t been able to figure one out yet. He did as little work as possible, his fighting prowess was mediocre, and he hadn’t shown any other skills that Xaldin was aware of. “Can we start, then? I would like to return before sunset.”

“Hey, I’m ready whenever.” Demyx backed up a bit and shrugged. “But honestly, you’d probably be faster without me. Like, don’t you control wind? You could just fly wherever, but I gotta walk!”

“You have been assigned this mission with me, so you will come along and do your part.” Now that he didn’t have another person right in front of him, Xaldin could also stand up.

Demyx was anything but happy about the decision; he didn’t just hang his head, but nearly his whole torso. “Aw, man. Are you sure?”

“Yes, I am.” Xaldin refused to play Demyx’s little games, or whatever they were meant to be, any more than necessary. Working with him was tedious enough, so there was no need to make it even worse. Better to just get it over with.

 

As soon as the mission was completed, Demyx vanished. He didn’t dare skip out during them, at least not when he was partnered with Xaldin, but he had no qualms leaving the report entirely to someone else.

Missions with Lexaeus were far more pleasant. Not only were they well-tuned together when fighting, Lexaeus was a reliable partner. Not one Xaldin had to keep an eye on near constantly to make sure he wouldn’t leave all the work to him.

As if someone read his mind, Xaldin passed Lexaeus on the way to his quarters. Their eyes met for a moment, but neither said or gestured towards the other; after all, why would they? Perhaps even Lexaeus had finally understood that his foolish thoughts had been nothing but an illusion; or maybe he simply didn’t want to spend time with more pointless conversations. Whatever Lexaeus believed himself to feel, he knew Xaldin didn’t share the sentiment.

There was the memory of their camaraderie Aeleus and Dilan used to have, but nothing more. And there never would be. Xaldin had sworn off that kind of feelings a long time ago, far before becoming a Nobody.

Still, Xaldin stopped for a second to look back at the other Nobody. He was sure Lexaeus noticed the small break in his footsteps—being aware of one’s surroundings was necessary for an effective guard, after all—but if so, he didn’t show it. Part of Xaldin wondered whether he’d expected Lexaeus to behave differently, or whether he was just curious, perhaps even mildly worried about his comrade.

 

Still, Xaldin never actually asked Lexaeus about it. There was no need; regardless of Lexaeus’s feelings or lack thereof, he served the Organization without fail. And it nearly seemed as if he had understood that it had only been an illusion.

Until their newest member joined, Roxas, Number 13. Apparently, he was the keyblade wielder’s Nobody, but truth be told, he looked like any ordinary child. And a lot like one Xaldin had seen once before, in Radiant Garden.

He shot a quick look over to Lexaeus; he’d recognized the boy, too. But not only that, but the way he was focused on their newest recruit, the slightly furrowed brows… he appeared to be worried about the child. Perhaps he was simply back to mimicking the feelings his memory told him he was supposed to have, but it warranted keeping a closer eye on him. It wouldn’t do if Lexaeus lost sight of their goal, especially not now that they finally had a keyblade wielder among them.

 

However, for the first few days, neither of them was assigned to work with Roxas, or with one another. And while Xaldin tried to keep an eye on Lexaeus, he couldn’t slack off on his missions just on a hunch. Even though Lexaeus did seem to try staying close to Roxas in the Grey Area, he wasn’t nearly as protective about him as he was about Zexion; he didn’t step in against Larxene or Vexen, for instance, while he would never have let either of them talk to Zexion the way they did to Roxas.

That should have come as a relief, as much as Nobodies could feel relieved, at least. Why, then, did Xaldin almost feel disappointed?

 

On Roxas’s thirteenth day, Lexaeus had his first mission with him. Xaldin only found out after he’d returned from his own, but for the time being, he wasn’t too worried. He hadn’t noticed anything unusual in Lexaeus’s behavior over the last two weeks, after all.

Then Xaldin saw him in the hall, and stopped dead in his tracks. Lexaeus seemed conflicted. A bit confused, with tensed muscles betraying anger, but the way he kept his eyes on the ground making it look as if he felt guilty. The mimicked emotions Xaldin had accustomed to seeing in his comrades were usually simple, nothing near the complexity Lexaeus was showing. And not only that, but even Xaldin himself felt a sting of worry and concern for his old comrade.

“Lexaeus.” The other Nobody stopped and, after a moment’s hesitation, turned around. “Come.”

“Saïx is waiting for my report.” Was he trying to avoid Xaldin? Why?

But he’d have none of that, anyway. “Saïx won’t mind waiting a little while longer, I’m sure. We should talk.”

For a moment, Lexaeus’s eyes darted around as if he were trying to find an excuse, but then he just nodded.

Xaldin motioned towards one of the empty rooms, waiting for Lexaeus to follow and close the door before he started talking. “What happened with Roxas?”

Lexaeus’s eyes shot up, almost startled. “What do you mean?”

“There are few things that used to upset you as much as children in trouble did. Now, if anything had happened to Zexion, the news would have travelled through the lower numbers much faster. So? What is it?”

“I didn’t think you’d believe I could be upset.” There was no accusation in Lexaeus’s voice when he met Xaldin’s gaze, just a statement of fact. “But yes. I was supposed to teach Roxas about Limit Breaks, which meant he had to be on his last legs.”

“So you hit him until he was.”

Lexaeus started pacing around the room, while Xaldin remained by the door with his arms crossed. “As a Nobody, I shouldn’t feel anything about it; it was the most efficient way. But still, he’s a child, Xaldin! I hit a _child_!”

Seeing his friend like this…hurt. Finally, Xaldin left his position, crossing the distance between them with two long strides and putting a hand on Lexaeus’s shoulder. “It seems you were right.”

That interrupted his train of thought. “About what?”

Xaldin took a step back again. “About feelings. Seeing you like this, it’s highly unlikely that all of it is merely your memory telling you how to act, or you would have never struck Roxas in the first place. I have no way of knowing about the other members, but you have without a doubt regained some of your emotions.”

Logically, the best step would be informing Vexen or Xemnas, but Xaldin was hesitant about it. As scientists, neither of them would simply dismiss him, but they were still lacking in information. The probably more important reason, however, would be the implications this idea held. Not only about the state of being a Nobody, but also about the last conversation between Lexaeus and Xaldin. If he was, in fact, able to feel, then his alleged feelings for Xaldin might be genuine after all. The thought caused a sudden thumping in Xaldin’s chest, as much as he would have preferred to ignore it.

“And you?” Lexaeus’s tone was neutral, so even for Xaldin it was hard to determine if the question had come from a place of simple curiosity, or if his thoughts had gone back to his confession, too. He looked up at Lexaeus, and made his decision.

Foolish. Stupid. Xaldin took another step, closing the distance between them.

Idiotic. Thoughtless. He stretched upwards.

Dumb. Irrational. Asinine. Their lips touched, and instantly, all the reasons why he shouldn’t were forgotten. That they were just Nobodies, and that Xaldin had sworn to never be this vulnerable again. This wasn’t a memory, this was real. And Xaldin would have put his life in Lexaeus’s hands any day they had worked together, it seemed downright ridiculous to not trust him with this—with whatever Nobodies had in the place of a Heart.

Once they separated again, there was a moment of silence before Lexaeus broke it. “Are you sure?”

“I am.”

This time, it was Lexaeus who bridged the distance, wrapping his arms around Xaldin before kissing him again. Being embraced like this made Xaldin almost feel small. Even though he was among the tallest members of the Organization, he was no match for Lexaeus. But curiously, it wasn’t a bad feeling; there was a certain gentleness about Lexaeus that made it feel safe rather than intimidating.

For the first time in years, Xaldin felt like he could truly relax.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like I'm being a bit mean to Demyx... I swear I love him, but well, he is kind of an idiot.  
> Also, I kinda really want a hug from Lexaeus/Aeleus. Just look at him! He looks like he'd be an awesome hugger!


	3. Vulnerability

There was a moment of silence after they both pulled back, just looking into each other’s eyes; Xaldin was the first to speak again. “What should we do next?”

The most reasonable course of action would be to inform the other members, or at least their fellow apprentices. But even if he hadn’t been hesitant himself, that was not a decision he would make without Lexaeus’s agreement.

“The other members would want to know. Most of them want their hearts back so they can feel again.” Lexaeus was right. If the others knew of a chance to regain their emotions even without a Heart, they would take it. “However…”

“However?” Xaldin was maybe a bit too eager to hear what kind of reason Lexaeus might have found. It was one thing to admit vulnerability to his closest comrade, but another to show it to the entire Organization.

“We know barely anything about it yet. What exactly caused it, for example, the extent of our refound emotions, or whether the other Nobodies would be able to regain theirs as well.”

“And you don’t want to give anyone false hope.” Xaldin nodded.

“So we should gather more information, then tell Vexen or Zexion so they can do more research.” Part of Xaldin wondered whether Lexaeus had noticed him tensing up, or if he would have made this suggestion regardless. But no matter the reason, it was a sound plan, and Xaldin wasn’t about to question it further.

 

That meant they would have to hide from the others. While Nobodies might lack emotions themselves, they were often surprisingly good at reading other people; luckily, though, most of the Organization’s members didn’t care much about their comrades’ interpersonal relationships, as long as they didn’t interfere with their missions.

Of course, some members were more curious; Demyx, for example, was nosy as always, but easily deterred by threatening him with more work. And Xaldin and Lexaeus, like most Nobodies, were exceptional actors. Even though they were more used to faking emotions that weren’t there, hiding ones they had wasn’t too different.

Still, it was hard to not show any joy when Xaldin finally had a mission with Lexaeus again, only a few days later. It promised to be a simple one: The Kingdom of Corona had, until now, been mostly free of Heartless, and they were supposed to check for any signs of their activity. And, of course, dispatch of them if need be.

 

They arrived in the middle of a forest, no people in sight. Now that they were alone, Xaldin and Lexaeus shared a warm smile; anything more would have to wait until after they were done with their mission. As much as they wanted to enjoy their time together, regaining their Hearts had to be their first priority.

Behind them, a curtain of ivy hid a small passage, so low that Xaldin and Lexaeus had to crouch to fit through. They were lucky no enemies were nearby; fighting in such a cramped space was not impossible, but far from pleasant, especially since their preferred fighting styles relied on having more room.

On the other side of the passage was a high tower, but otherwise, it was a dead end, not a Heartless in sight. Xaldin was about to suggest leaving, but Lexaeus stepped closer to the tower. “Can you sense it, too?”

“Sense what?” He followed Lexaeus and focused on the tower. There was something, but it was hard to pinpoint what, exactly.

Lexaeus cocked his head. “Light. Not as strong as that of the Princesses of Heart, but it’s not too far off, either.”

Xaldin moved his eyes away from the tower and looked at Lexaeus instead. “Then we should inform the Superior once we return. But for now, our mission is to find Heartless; we don’t have the time to investigate on our own.”

Nodding, Lexaeus looked away from the tower as well before retreating through the passage.

 

Most of their journey through this world was eventless. No wonder, considering that Heartless tended to cluster in cities or other places with an abundance of Hearts, not the wilderness. Their path led them from the tower through a forest, and onwards to a swamp. Every now and then, they had to dodge other travelers or thieves, but that was all.

 

 When the sun was starting to set, they reached what appeared to be the kingdom’s capital city. Its streets were richly decorated, as if for a celebration. Many boats were already rocking in the water, with more people waiting by the shorelines.

“If they are still holding their festivities, we probably won’t find many Heartless.” Xaldin looked over the mass of people while he and Lexaeus made their way over the bridge. None of them seemed frightened.

Lexaeus nodded. “I wonder what they are celebrating, though.” Sadly, asking wasn’t an option, especially not during a mission. They were supposed to be noticed as little as possible to avoid suspicion, and people remembered a stranger asking questions far more than one merely passing by.

As expected, the town was void of Heartless; if not for that peculiar Heart, one might have almost called the mission a waste of time. It was dark by the time Xaldin and Lexaeus left the city again; using the dark tunnels within city limits held far too much risk of being seen by one of the citizens.

They’d barely stepped off the bridge when Xaldin felt Lexaeus’s hand on his shoulder. “Xaldin, look.”

Countless lanterns were floating up towards the night sky, rising from the boats and the shoreline. It was breathtaking. But whereas Xaldin thought the spectacle pretty, Lexaeus seemed downright enraptured by it; seeing his partner in such awe brought a smile to Xaldin’s face. “Come, I think we can see it better from the bridge.”

Lexaeus nodded, and Xaldin took his hand, their fingers intertwining. Their mission was over; now they could enjoy being together far away from the Organization’s eyes. Side by side, they watched the lights rise, until they were nigh indistinguishable from the stars shining down. Down on the ground, the people rowed their boats back towards the shore and made their ways home, but Xaldin and Lexaeus remained.

It was Lexaeus who finally broke their silence. “I wish we could stay here for longer.”

Xaldin turned to take Lexaeus’s other hand as well. “We will come back,” he promised. “Once Kingdom Hearts has been summoned, and once we have our Hearts back, we can return to this world for as long as we want.”

Lexaeus let go of Xaldin’s hands, but only so he could pull him closer, embrace turning into a kiss. “Thank you.”

They allowed themselves a few more moments just to hold each other, before parting again to return to the Castle That Never Was, once more pretending to be void of emotions.

 

About a week had passed since they had accepted their feelings. While they couldn’t be certain, it seemed like none of the other members was aware of it even now. The Dusks might have known, considering they were the ones gathering the members to meetings or other duties and thus had seen them together quite often, but they weren’t exactly fond of gossip.

That night, Lexaeus and Xaldin were lying on the bed in Lexaeus’s room, covered by his blanket. Their arms were wrapped around each other, providing some welcome warmth; the Castle That Never Was was always a little chilly. Not so much it’d be uncomfortable, but enough to make a little more heat rather pleasant. It was quiet in the room, the only sound being their breaths, but even with his eyes closed Xaldin knew that his partner was still awake.

“I’ll be gone for a while starting tomorrow.” Lexaeus broke the silence, causing Xaldin to open his eyes so he could look at him. “I’ll be sent to Castle Oblivion, together with some of the others.”

One would think Saïx would make an exception and tell all members if so many were going to be absent, but apparently, he hadn’t deigned it necessary. “Do you know when you’ll be back?”

Lexaeus shook his head. “Not yet. The estimate is one to two weeks, but no-one knows for sure yet.”

“Unfortunate. Is there any chance Demyx will be a part of your team?” It would be a relief to not have to deal with him for a while, but Lexaeus shook his head.

“Not as far as I’ve been told. Vexen, Zexion, Axel, Marluxia and Larxene are the ones I know about, and I doubt there’ll be more.”

“That’s a shame. With so many members gone, we’ll probably be sent on missions together even more often.”

“It’s more likely all of you will get more solo missions, even Roxas and Xion.” There was a hint of worry in Lexaeus’s voice. No matter how well they were able to handle themselves, they were still children, at least to him. “I hope we’ll be able to finish the mission quickly.”

The team’s make up was rather strange, now that Xaldin thought about it. Vexen, Lexaeus and Zexion were among the highest ranking members, while Marluxia and Larxene were the lowest non-keyblade wielders. And their strengths lay in mostly different areas, too. “Do you know why those members were chosen?”

“No. I’ve wondered about it, too, but I suppose the Superior and Saïx have their reasons.”

“That would depend on whether it was the Superior or Saïx who put them together.” That Lexaeus wasn’t sure, either, was worrying. Either he didn’t have enough information about their mission to see how the different members’ strengths would be helpful, or their areas of expertise weren’t usually needed in that type of mission. “If it was Saïx, he probably chose Axel because he trusts him most. That would mean there’s more to the mission than meets the eye, something Axel will have to report to Saïx or the Superior.”

Lexaeus nodded. “I know. I wish they’d given us more intel, but that’s nothing we can change now.”

“Take care of Zexion while you’re there.” Perhaps Lexaeus’s desire to protect the boy had rubbed off on Xaldin, or maybe he’d just slowly reclaimed more of his emotions, but Zexion being part of the mission didn’t quite sit right with him. Of course, he was far from the child they’d taken in over a decade ago, and more than able to take care of himself, but every now and then it was still hard to look at him and not see a young boy named Ienzo, a child who had nowhere to go but Ansem’s apprentices.

“You know I will.”

Silence claimed the room once more, and Xaldin closed his eyes, listening to Lexaeus’s gentle breathing. “I love you.”

He felt Lexaeus move, followed by his lips on his forehead. “I love you, too. I’ll be back soon.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There ya go. (Let it be known I'm currently visiting my family, and using my mom's old-ass netbook to keep writing. You ain't lived till you've written gay romance on your mom's netbook! Not that she'd care, but still.)
> 
> I like how this turned from my shortest chapter (less than 1k words when it was "finished") to the longest once I added the part in Corona. And for that, I asked my best friend which world KH oder Disney in general was the most romantic one... Her answers, in order, were Radiant Garden (Still Hollow Bastion at this point), Twilight Town (I love it, but they're there kinda often I guess), Arendelle if you like snow, and Corona with the lights. And I liked the lights, though I had half a mind to throw them into Wonderland just for fun, see how these way too serious men deal with... Well, Wonderland.


	4. Regret

“When was the last time any one of us felt anything?” Demyx looked slightly upset at Xaldin’s words, or maybe he was just annoyed that he would have to fight Sora. It was easy to see the remark as mockery, but the question did have a hint of sincerity to it. When was the last time?

Xaldin could have easily pinpointed it. The day he had said goodbye to Lexaeus, before the latter went on his mission in Castle Oblivion, never to return. Nearly a year had passed since then, and not a single day went by that Xaldin didn’t regret his folly. He should have known. There was a reason he’d sworn off this kind of attachments, and yet, he’d let himself be ensnared by the childish notion of love.

In a way, he could barely tell what he missed more. He’d prefer to answer it was the time before he started feeling again, before Lexaeus’s confession or their first kiss, but when he thought about this question, his mind always jumped to Lexaeus. Foolish. To think that he’d forgotten all the lessons he’d learned so long ago, all for barely even a week of bliss.

 

“Hey, Xaldin!” When he turned around, Demyx was running after him.

“What is it?” Probably another request to trade duties, or complaints about the work being too hard. He suppressed a sigh; dealing with Demyx was always a chore, but maybe it would at least take his mind off Lexaeus.

Demyx stumbled, both over his feet and over his words. Hadn’t he learned the rule of thinking before speaking? “Uh, well… I know it’s none of my business, but, like, are you okay?”

“We’re still missing our Hearts, the Organization has been greatly diminished compared to last year, and instead of working, you’re wasting both our time with useless questions. We don’t feel, be it ‘okay’ or otherwise, but if I could, I would probably be rather irritated.”

“I know, I know. It’s just, ever since the stuff with Castle Oblivion, you’ve been kinda off, you know?” Demyx scratched the back of his head with one hand, avoiding eye contact. “I thought you were just, I don’t know, annoyed about having to work more, but it’s been almost a year now…”

Before Xaldin could answer, he heard the telltale sound of someone exiting a dark corridor next to them. “Saïx.”

Saïx just nodded instead of giving them a proper greeting. “Demyx, while I wouldn’t care how you spend your free time, that would be a luxury we currently don’t have. I believe you have a task to fulfill; perhaps you should get going.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Hanging his head, Demyx vanished.

Then, Saïx turned to Xaldin. “And so do you. Go to the Beast’s Castle. We need both its Heartless and its Nobody, and you’re the one with the most information about it.”

“Understood.” Now it was Xaldin’s turn to be enveloped in the black tunnel’s entrance. The Beast was probably even less rational than he had been. At least Xaldin had put his trust in a faithful comrade; the Beast, on the other hand, barely even knew that girl called Belle.

Roxas, of course, had been a fan of the narrative. Maybe he would have learned better, had he had more time. But he hadn’t, and there was no use dwelling on the past. A piece of advice Xaldin should heed as well; this was not the time to think about Roxas, or any of the other members they’d lost. Right now, he had to focus on his mission, putting them all one step closer to regaining their Hearts, without thinking about whether or not he actually wanted it back in the first place.

 

As always, it was easy to sow the seeds of doubt in a Heart infatuated with love. Of course, the Beast had merely roared at Xaldin to leave, but he had said enough. Now he could wait, let the doubt fester before coming back. No matter how hard it denied it, Xaldin’s words had struck a chord, and it would not be able to forget about their encounter. No, soon enough it would start to question Belle’s moves, her words, everything about her.

If they were lucky, that would be enough. But more likely, the Beast would need another small push later on. Even so, the more it worried, the more it would doubt, and that meant trying to control Belle, until it managed to drive her away.

Then, with its doubts confirmed, the Heartless would have an easy time with ithim. Darkness seeping into the Beast’s Heart, ripping it away from his body… The path was laid out clearly, the way love was always doomed to fall.

And yet, Xaldin couldn’t help but notice how somehow, he still envied the Beast. At least it would get to spend some more time with its love, their inevitable end still some time away.

But it was no use wondering about what could have been. Lexaeus was gone, leaving behind nothing but more proof that love was a waste of time.

 

His plan would have worked, had it not been for the interference of Sora and his friends. But no matter; there were many ways to drive a Heart towards Darkness and despair. Anger, fear, sorrow, hate… He had more than enough options to choose from. And Xaldin had watched the Beast for long enough, learning its fears and weaknesses.

For the time being, though, Xaldin returned to the Castle That Never Was. He needed to let things settle, give the Beast enough time to stop being this wary of the doubts creeping up on it. And, even more importantly, he needed the time to create a new plan.

Anger would be one way. Or sadness. Of course, simply killing Belle was a possibility, but a dangerous one; if the Beast used Darkness to retaliate, it might put the Organization in far more peril than necessary. It had already managed to cross worlds out of sheer determination, after all. Not to mention that a slower, creeping despair would work better, overtaking its Heart little by little, not a sudden shock.

Making the Beast doubt Belle’s feelings was not going to work a second time; neither would other attempts to poison its mind with just the right words. It wouldn’t trust Xaldin a second time, so he needed to find a different way to plunge its Heart into Darkness.

Footsteps outside of his room interrupted his thoughts. For a split second, they sounded almost like Lexaeus’s; but of course, that was impossible. It was probably Saïx on the way to his room.

The footsteps faded, and Xaldin sighed. Would anything change once they regained their Hearts? Would other emotions override this emptiness, dull it down? Or would it just become stronger?

 

The second plan was harder to make than the first one; using the Beast’s anger sounded easy at first, but if that were the key, it would have fallen to Darkness long ago. No, judging by how close they had gotten the last time, despair would work best. But it wouldn’t do to rip everything away from it at once; after all, a slight glimmer of hope could make everything far worse.

 

The Beast had nearly given in without Xaldin even going to the last stages of his plan, the theft of its rose almost too much to bear. Of course, Belle would have helped it, made sure it wouldn’t lose all hope so quickly. Maybe it would even believe it could return to its human form thanks to her. But over time, once day after day passed without change, without its rose to keep track of how much time was left, that hope’s shimmer would start to flicker, letting more and more Darkness trickle in until it was finally extinguished, turning the Beast into a Heartless, leaving its Nobody behind.

But yet again, the keyblade wielder had to try and foil his plans. A fight was inevitable. Sora was a child, but Xaldin knew better than to underestimate him; he had seen Roxas fight, and Sora wasn’t alone. Regardless of how experienced Xaldin might be, the odds if he fought against four opponents at once were less than stellar. But every time he let Sora interfere, the chances of bending the Beast’s Heart to their needs lowered. If, on the other hand, it saw its little friend die? That would all but open Darkness a way into its heart, even if it still had Belle and the rose by its side. So he had to take this chance. It was that, or face being turned into a Dusk for his failure. Thus, he summoned his lances, readying himself for this fight.

 

It was his last fight. Xaldin didn’t delude himself with foolish notions such as him meeting Lexaeus on the other side; if that was possible at all, it was a luxury not available to Nobodies. He would simply fade, until nothing was left of him but memories.

Xaldin had sunken to his knees after Sora’s last hit. He could sense it was the end, but even so, his body was desperately trying to hold itself together, no matter how futile it was. At first, fading hurt, worse than any wound he’d gotten in battle before, but soon, it was just

Nothing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why am I throwing Demyx in this fic at random moments? Because Demyx is a cutie, that's why.
> 
> Btw, I had half a mind to switch the number of chapters to 4 and mark this as complete (the last one's already started, I just kinda wanted to try to scare you), but then I figured, nah, don't have to be that mean.


	5. Together

“Where’s Braig and… Isa?”

Those were the first words Lexaeus heard when he woke up.

Still dizzy, he struggled to make sense of them, or of anything, really. The voice sounded like Axel’s, but Saïx hadn’t gone by Isa for years, and the same applied to Xigbar.

Slowly, Lexaeus opened his eyes and sat up. Where was he? The room seemed oddly familiar, but why? He tried to think, but last he remembered, he’d been in Castle Oblivion, with Vexen and Zexion. And then… Vexen had been struck down by Axel. Lexaeus had fought Riku… And died, too, hadn’t he?

How was he here, then? His vision was still blurry, but he could tell he wasn’t alone. Axel was easy to spot thanks to his red mane, and one of the other bodies was coming to as well, slowly sitting up. Lexaeus squinted, trying to make out who it was. “Zexion?”

The blur looked in his direction now and shook his head, probably trying to get his own vision to return to normal. “I’m… not sure.”

It was Zexion’s voice, but something about it was different. And now that he thought about it, Lexaeus himself felt different from before Castle Oblivion, too. It was a strange feeling, but a familiar one, almost nostalgic, as if… “Ienzo?”

Aeleus’s vision was steadying as Axel—Lea—turned around. “Yeah, looks like we’ve all got our Hearts back.”

All? Now that he could see a bit better, Aeleus looked around again. Ienzo was sitting on the ground, Even was still unconscious, and there, leaning against the wall, was Dilan.

Hurriedly, Aeleus struggled to his feet. He had no idea how much time might have passed since they last met, it felt like both an eternity and barely a week at once. Perhaps he was a bit too rushed, though, since he could barely take a step before stumbling and falling to his knees again. Dying and being revived seemed to take quite a toll.

“Careful.” Dilan was still leaning against the wall, but Aeleus thought he almost spotted worry in his voice. “Try to walk slowly.”

Aeleus nodded. At least this short break gave him a moment to think; before their death, none of the other members had known about him and Dilan. While Aeleus wouldn’t necessarily mind them finding out, he didn’t know how Dilan thought about it. And even more importantly, he didn’t know whether Dilan’s feelings for him had changed.

Everything felt more intense now. As a Nobody, there’d barely been any feelings aside from the ones for Xaldin; but now, those were accompanied by a myriad of long-forgotten emotions. In Aeleus’s case, regaining his Heart had also made the feelings for Dilan far more intense than before, but he couldn’t know whether that was the same for Dilan. Who was to say that whatever they used to have wasn’t overshadowed by new feelings? And that was if they hadn’t already dulled during the time they’d been apart.

“How long have we been… dead?”

Lea shrugged. “Can’t say for sure. You guys from Castle Oblivion—Marluxia and Larxene, too—died about a year before Dilan and me, but I got no idea how long before we got revived.”

Slowly, Aeleus pushed himself back up to his feet and made his way to the nearest wall. He felt like he ought to be thinking about what had happened to them, like why they were alive again, where they were, or why Marluxia and Larxene weren’t with them, but he couldn’t focus on that right now.

“Stay there,” Dilan said before Aeleus could take even one step in his direction. Instead, it was Dilan who crossed the distance between them. He was a bit steadier on his feet, so although he had to support himself against the wall, it didn’t take him too long.

Dilan looked up to meet Aeleus’s eyes. There was a heartbeat of hesitation, before Dilan flung his arms around Aeleus’s neck and kissed him. Almost reflexively, Aeleus wrapped his arms around Dilan and held him close.

The feeling was barely even comparable to their time as Nobodies, like the flicker of a candle compared to a firestorm. Warmth spread from his heart through the rest of his body, and he didn’t care about all the questions he should be thinking about. Dilan still felt for Aeleus the same way Aeleus did for Dilan, and for a few seconds, that was all that mattered.

However, both of them were still unsteady on their feet. Without the wall to support them, they lost their footing; Aeleus was the first to hit the ground, with Dilan falling on top of him only a moment later. By now, Aeleus was also almost painfully aware that both Ienzo and Lea were staring at them.

Lea blinked a few times before deciding that for the time being, they had more important things to think about. “So, with us here, we’re still missing Isa, Braig and Xehanort.”

True. Aeleus shot Dilan, who’d maneuvered himself off of him, one more look before focusing on the other matters at hand. “Are you sure they’re dead? And if so, can we be sure they were revived, too?”

“Sora wanted to stop them. And you should get it memorized to never underestimate the kid.”

Ienzo took a bit longer before he managed to look away from Aeleus and Dilan and to Lea instead. “Well, we can’t be sure of anything just yet. Lea, can you tell us more about what happened while we were dead?”

“Uh, well…” Lea scratched the back of his head. “After you guys died, I stayed away from the Organization for a while. Sora was asleep for almost a year. Just before he woke up, Roxas got kidnapped and put into some sort of data world. I was sent to get him back, or eliminate him if that failed.” Aeleus had, in a way, worried about Roxas even as a Nobody, but now that he had a Heart again, he just wanted to know the child safe. “In the end, I didn’t manage either of those things, and Roxas kind of… Went back inside Sora. So, I left the Organization. I promised Roxas I’d always bring him back, and I wasn’t gonna break that promise. Well, Sora kept fighting what was left of the Organization; first to die was Xaldin, then Demyx. I joined Sora for a while, but ran out of power getting rid of a bunch of Dusks that attacked us.” He shrugged. “Don’t know what happened after. Saix, Xigbar, Luxord and Xemnas were alive when I died, but I don’t think they still are.”

“Hm…” Ienzo crossed his arms, one hand at his chin. That pose had meant he was thinking even back when he was a child; he’d grown into it, in a way, even if the lab coat still seemed just the tiniest bit too big for him. “We’d need more information to say anything for sure, but since we woke up here without Demyx, Marluxia, and Larxene, it sounds like we woke up where we became Nobodies. That explains why they aren’t here, though maybe we should check the place they were turned, in order to find out if they were recompleted as well. We can’t say much more yet, but I suppose something happened to our Heartless in addition to our Nobodies, or else we couldn’t have regained our Hearts.”

“But we still don’t know anything about Isa’s, Braig’s or Xehanort’s whereabouts.” Dilan slowly got back up on his feet, using the wall as support. “Lea, since you’re the one who’s currently in the best shape, maybe you could go and do some research? Meanwhile, we will take care of Even.”

Lea shrugged again. “Fine, there’s something I wanted to do, anyway. I’ll be back to tell you what I find out.” And with that, he summoned a Dark Tunnel and vanished.

Aeleus followed Dilan’s example; at least he felt a little more secure on his feet now. Dilan checked on Even, while Aeleus went to Ienzo and helped him get up.

“Thanks…” He still had to hold on to Aeleus for support, who gladly let him. “Are we really back, Aeleus?”

For a moment, it was almost as if Ienzo was a child again, looking up to Aeleus as if he had all the answers in the world. And there was no way Aeleus would let him down.

“We are.” A short glance to Dilan proved that, making his heart beat faster instantly. “We definitely are.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why does this fic keep growing?? It was supposed to be three chapters. Three! (I'm... moderately sure that the 6th really will be the last one, and a bit shorter than the others, but still)
> 
> And yeah, I know that that's not quiiite how stuff went in 3D, but shush. Didn't want poor Aeleus worrying about an unconscious Dilan.


	6. Forever

The following months were mostly hectic, with Lea getting his keyblade, the new Organization XIII, and finally, the defeat of Xehanort.

He and Braig seemed to be gone for good, but all other members of the original Organization XIII had come back; Marluxia—Lauriam—had remembered his sister, and somehow, with Sora’s help, he’d managed to get her back, too. With them and all the other recompleted Somebodies, Radiant Garden was getting more and more lively. But they’d always had more than enough rooms in the castle, and it was a welcome change to the silence that had reigned here back in the day.

It took almost a whole year until things calmed down enough for something Aeleus and Dilan had been planning for a while: their wedding.

 

It was held in front of the castle gates. Everything was decorated beautifully; Lauriam had provided an abundance of flowers, while Naminé and Strelitzia had arranged them with the other decorations. There were several lines of long benches in front of the altar, with white cushions to provide some comfort for the guests.

Since it was a comparably small celebration, they’d decided to leave the choice of seats to the guests. The benches were full, but everyone seemed happy with where they sat. Their old comrades had been invited, as well as the others who’d made Radiant Garden their home, Sora’s and Aqua’s groups, some old friends from Twilight Town, and, of course, Ansem the Wise.

Since they lacked the typical bride and groom dynamic, rather than deciding on one to be given away, they had decided to meet at the back of the benches and walk down the aisle together. When Aeleus saw Dilan in his suit, it felt as if his heart stopped for a second, then tried to run a marathon. It was really happening. They were here, both of them, about to spend the rest of their lives with one another.

Instead of actual flower children, they’d asked Lauriam and Strelitzia to walk in front of them, spreading pink rose petals. Aeleus thought he saw Lauriam wink at one of the attendees, while Strelitzia was just blushing and smiling the whole time. The poor girl hadn’t had it easy, it was nice to see her relax a little.

But the one thing Aeleus noticed most was Dilan’s hand on his arm, his warmth by his side. Both of them were beaming as they walked towards the altar, feeling like they had finally truly won. Light had beaten Darkness.

As their trusted mentor, Ansem had agreed to be the one to officiate their marriage. Aeleus almost got lost in Dilan’s face when they turned to face each other. Of course, he’d seen him countless times, especially during the last year, but in a way, it felt as if he had never truly looked at him. Dilan’s eyes, his sideburns, the gentle smile he’d hidden for far too long… All of that made Aeleus miss most of Ansem’s speech, only returning to the present to say his “I do” and, finally, to hear “You may now kiss your husband.”

Someone clapped when their lips touched, and others joined in shortly after. Aeleus was the one who got to throw the wedding bouquet, causing it to fly fairly far. When he turned around, he saw the flowers in Strelitzia’s hands; she was blushing even more deeply than before, looking around the other guests. Lauriam, meanwhile, scanned the audience, giving away some choice glares to people winking at his sister.

 

Neither Aeleus nor Dilan were too fond of being the center of attention, so even though it was technically their party, they spent most of it to the side of the action. They talked to their friends, of course, but once they finished the first dance, they preferred to stand back a little. After all that had happened, it was enough to see the others enjoying themselves.

Dyme made sure to keep close to the cake. He’d been allowed to play a few songs on his sitar; his eyes had lit up like a Christmas tree when they had asked him to. Ienzo was next to him, pointing out a bit of cake stuck on Dyme’s cheek. He just laughed and, instead of cleaning it up, offered Ienzo a fork full of cake. Aeleus could see Ienzo blush; he looked a bit overwhelmed, but happy.

Lauriam was busy trying to stick a flower behind Elrena’s ear. As soon as he finished, a small bolt of lightning reduced it to a burnt crisp. Elrena glared at Lauriam for a moment, but then she gave him a small smile and ruffled his hair; in response, he pulled her on the dance floor.

That allowed Strelitzia to talk to Riku. She was a bit hesitant at first, stumbling over her words, but he always patiently waited for her answer. Naminé joined them after a while, soon followed by Sora and Kairi.

Roxas and Xion were dancing, though they were nowhere near as professional as Lauriam and Elrena; instead, they stumbled over their own or each other’s feet nearly every step. Beside the dance floor, Lea nudged Isa and pointed at the kids, laughing.

 

Aeleus wrapped an arm around Dilan’s waist to pull him a little closer. He wished this moment could last forever; no worries, only hope and joy. And now that Xehanort was defeated, that wish sounded almost realistic.

Dilan leaned against him, putting his own arm around Aeleus. They didn’t need any words; being close to each other was more than enough. They had all the time in the world, and Hearts to enjoy each and every moment to the fullest. They could return to Corona to watch the lanterns again, see the sunset in Twilight Town, or take a walk among Radiant Garden’s flower beds, if they wanted to. But, even more importantly, they could spend time with the people dear to them.

They might not know the future, but looking at their friends, old and new, it seemed just a little bit brighter than it had before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It ended up being 6 chapters instead of the planned 3, but I guess the fic is finished now!  
> Yep, I know about anything that might be contradicted and/or made less likely due to the Epilogue and Ending of KH3 (And yeah, Streli came back via a total handwave, but she's an adorable flower girl and I want her back). Let's just assume that everything turned out in a way to allow for this Chapter to happen.  
> Thanks to everyone who read, to everyone who left Kudos, and especially to everyone who left a comment!<3
> 
> (Also, yes, I know that many people to prefer Myde to Dyme. Buuuut, well, my fic, my rules; I'll edit once we get a canon name for Demyx's Somebody.)

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Yes Feelings](https://archiveofourown.org/works/18895735) by [triceraclops](https://archiveofourown.org/users/triceraclops/pseuds/triceraclops)




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